Awareness of Suffering: The First Noble Truth

I can remember when I received my first large, lump sum payment. I remember that it had come out of the blue, quite unexpectedly, from a company that I had worked, for only a short time. I received almost 50 shares in a fortune 500 blue-chip company. I am now a stockholder.

I continued on my path when again, out of the blue, a large, lump sum payment. I hear the cash register open and I was handed $15,000 and a job well done. I can remember that the envelope was black with silver and gold stars. The feeling was like winning the lottery. I used the money to pay off the rest of my debt putting me back in the black again. And I continued on.

I began devoting myself to extracurricular activities and volunteer services. I took leadership courses for my self and facilitated them for others. I was becoming someone. And I continued on becoming quite proud of myself.

How good it made me feel, but only for a while. Like all other things temporary, the feeling started to fade. The daily routine of my life became just that, the daily routine.

I remember lying in my bed in the middle of winter. My apartment building was very old and cold due to the fact that we didn't have heat. I was very ill at the time. And I can remember lying in my bed, shaking violently, with my full body under the covers, and thinking to myself... I'm alive... I really feel alive right now.

I decide to move on.

My interests in the company that I was working for at the time were paid out again in one large, lump sum. $50,000 cash, minus uncle sam's cut.

I travel around Europe. I invest in a company that looks profitable and I spend the rest frivolously.

One year later, I return from my journey. I hop back on the wheel, the wheel begins to turn, the bills begin to mount, the debt begins to add up, the money disappears and with it, my time.

The mail comes. A letter stating, now you owe us!

Awareness of suffering. This is the first noble truth.

There is suffering, and there is a way of escape.

Exodus.